The True Meaning of Being Free

I had a disappointment recently. I applied for a number of internship positions and did not hear back from any of them. This was hard for me. I began to wonder what this could mean and created many scenerios in my mind. Of course, I became quite emotionally attached to one or two of them, and formed opinions and conversations based on my experience.

One of the conversations was with a friend with whom I confide. After I shared with him my results, he said that although he did not know the exact meaning, that he thought that perhaps there could be 1 of 3 possibilities:
1. It could mean that I should not look any further into this.
2. It could mean that it would be good for me to continue to learn and grow as it is not quite time yet for an internship.
3. It could mean that if a persist and continue to apply that eventually I will get in.

I went into my coaching session the next day with the idea that there could not be any other explanation. I had concluded that I needed to decide and act upon one of the 3 possibilities, that is until my coach shared with me a remarkable idea and thought....

"What if it meant nothing?" she asked me.

I was taken aback. How could it not mean anything? After all, I was disappointed and frustrated by what had happened. That means something, doesn't it? The lack of response is a sign that I should quit, isn't it?

Her response was that it only meant something if I wanted it to.

At that point, I realized that it was meaning something because I believed it meant something. No one else was putting that same meaning on it.

(I have been learning the fine art of using fear to create a positive action plan rather than fighting it or avoiding it. And it has become an exercise that is changing the way I do business and live out my life and career. This was unexpectedly turning out to be an additional lesson in living above the fear!)

It's taken me a few days to grasp what she was saying. However, I have come to realize that she is right. The possibility of it not meaning anything is actually the most healthy and the best possibility. It can and does not mean anything unless I want it to. And to further this thought, if I decide it means something and settle on that meaning, I automatically choose to have that same kind of experience in the future. Like attracts like - the Law of Attraction.

Humans are the highest created entity on earth. As a human, you and I have the ability to think ideas and to create meaning. We make conscious and sub-conscious choices constantly. We are spiritual, intellectual, and physical at the same time. This is what makes us different from any other living thing on earth. We have considerable power at our fingertips.

What this means is that when we have an experience like I did with my applications, we have an opportunity to CHOOSE to think of it in a certain way. Our choices are broad - from "I hate them for denying me the courtesy!" to "It's ok if they don't want to respond. I will apply to others who do." and all the choices inbetween.

What's key for us to remember is that our choices impact our emotions and it is the emotional charge on the experience, as Bob Proctor indicates in his Born Rich series, that attracts to us either a similar or different experience in the future.

So, if I were to decide, although I thoroughly believe in my heart of hearts that I am to persue this kind of work because it is a passion of mine, that this experience meant that it was over for me, I would probably begin to feel really terrible and sad about the experience. Eventually, I might even become angry about it. This emotion would then continue to bring about the same results over and over until I made a change.

In other words, by making a CHOICE to feel nothing instead about the experience and to continue to submit applications in other places, I am choosing to not place meaning on the situation. It just is. It happened and that is all. Nothing more. What freedom!

But we want to place meaning on things, don't we? We sure do! I know I do and I know that most people in my life do. And why is that? Because we want to be secure and we want to have control. We define ourselves by the meaning we place on things in our life- from our family and environment to our work and the responses we get. If we claim to know what a situation means, we look as if we have things in hand.

But do we really have control? How many possible explanations could there be? Take my situation with my applications, for example. There could be tons of reasons why I have not heard back. What would be the benefit of taking the time and energy to spend time on some or all these reasons to decipher or conclude which one of them is true? A crazy making notion for sure, especially when comparing it to remaining confident and secure in who I am in the midst of all that is happening around me.

I think this is the true meaning of being free! When who I am and what I believe is firmly established and not effected by what happens around me, then I am truly free.

And I don't know about you, but this sounds like a much better life than worrying about the why's and the how's!

Stay tuned for more on this subject. I invite you to join me in living out this approach to life.


Keep partnering!

Wanda
www.kaizenworks.org

Aaak! Delegation Mud!

THAT’S BEEN ON MY LIST FOR FAR TOO LONG! I’M STUCK! I HAVE SOMEONE WORKING WITH ME BUT I’M NOT GETTING MORE DONE THAN I WAS BEFORE! SOMEONE WANTS TO WORK WITH ME BUT I DON’T HAVE TIME! I’M OVERWHELMED!

If you are in any of these predicaments, I am so happy for you! That means you are growing and that your business is too.

So, smart ass (that’s me :) ), what can someone do if they are in any of these situations?

Great question!

All too often the idea of having people working alongside us as partners (whether a Virtual Assistant, Artistic Staff, Business Partner, Receptionist, Executive Assistant, Technical Assistant) is nothing more than a grand and exciting idea or intention. When it comes to actually doing the creating of the partnership, we fight obstacles and often allow them to slow down our momentum. Here are some more examples:

• I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO START
• I’VE ALWAYS DONE IT MYSELF
• I KNOW HOW TO DO IT BEST
• IT TAKES TIME TO TEACH THEM AND I DON’T HAVE IT.
• I’M TIRED ENOUGH AS IT IS AND YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?
• I DON’T THINK I CAN KEEP THEM BUSY
• WILL THEY REALLY LIKE WORKING WITH ME?

If any of these statements describes your attitude, I want to encourage you that there is definitely something you can do to move past this in your partnerships. The only question is do you want to stay where you are or do you want a shining life giving relationship with your partner??? It’s your call.

In this one short article, we are not going to be able to address in detail these limiting thoughts. But, let’s take a look at each of them briefly to get you started on a more productive and nurturing path:

• THAT’S BEEN ON MY LIST FOR FAR TOO LONG! - Sometimes our priorities change. Is this item no longer a priority for you?

• I’M STUCK! - What is stopping you? Can you talk to someone about it? This usually helps to bring forward what is truly happening.

• I HAVE SOMEONE WORKING WITH ME BUT I’M NOT GETTING MORE DONE THAN I WAS BEFORE! - When this occurs, it is usually because we are not giving over the things we would rather not do and holding onto them for ourselves. What do you love? Focus on that and give the rest away.

• I’M OVERWHELMED! - I love the saying in Coaching, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” The same is true for delegating. Take a small item and start.

• I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO START - Is there one little task that you could possibly delegate to this person that you have not been able to accomplish?

• I’VE ALWAYS DONE IT MYSELF - True. You probably have. But is it something you LOVE to do? Wouldn’t you much rather delegate the things you don’t love as much to someone who enjoys supporting you?

• I KNOW HOW TO DO IT BEST - Do you? Well, maybe so. But would there not be value in getting someone else’s input? Maybe their ideas will refresh the process.

• IT TAKES TIME TO TEACH THEM AND I DON’T HAVE IT. - Who runs your time - your work or you? I hope it is you. What item of work could you choose to put aside right now to make room for planning and handing over this one item?

• I’M TIRED ENOUGH AS IT IS AND YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT? - It’s true. Many of us are tired. I’ve experienced how truly rejuvenating it is to see myself give over something to someone else. Maybe it will build you up to the point where you want to do more???

• I DON’T THINK I CAN KEEP THEM BUSY - If you are in a place where you don’t have a lot of work yet, that’s ok. Start gradually with a small package of hours or a small agreement.

• WILL THEY REALLY LIKE WORKING WITH ME? - That is up to you. How can you make it fun? How can you ensure communicate regularly?

Are you interested in knowing more about how to move these kinds of blocks in your partnerships? Would it help to talk with someone else about what you have been experiencing?

If you are interested in looking at this further, Kaizen Works is looking at the possibility of hosting and leading a teleseminar on this subject.


If you would like to have the information on this seminar sent to you, please fill out and submit this short form on the webpage below. It will assist us to prepare to have a conversation around this topic.

Please note that you will receive a verification email which you must respond to in order to hear back from us.

To sign up, go to: www.resources.kaizenworks.org/partnerseminar.html

Be sure to tell your friends about this all important discussion!

Keep partnering!

Wanda
www.kaizenworks.org

“Can I Really Know if Someone I Met..."

“...Through Networking
Is Perfect for a Partnership?”

Recently, some of the conversations I have been having around this question have confirmed that partnerships are indeed what YOU make them. In particular, I have come across an approach to creating partnerships that I believe holds the key to success in business or personal relationships.

The basic premise of this view is that partnerships will most likely fail unless a thorough and legal written agreement is created by the partners and a lawyer. The document must contain specifics and tangibles such as the responsibilities of each partner, business breakdown and exit strategy – all the terms agreed upon by the partners. In addition, it is essential to have partnership insurance so that if a partner dies, it is clear how their shares will be handled as well as what the involvement of their estate or heirs will be.

While I agree that it is essential that partners are both satisfied and secure, I also know that like attracts like.

The partnering experience of someone who holds this view is rarely positive. Unfortunately, the usual story of broken partnerships is that the relationship ended because of a disagreement or misunderstanding. In addition to this disappointment and frustration, many hours are spent in court rooms battling for a resolution. And unexpected legal fees have usually been incurred. These fees can, in some situations, change the course of a person’s career or financial future.

So it is easy to see how failed relationships can seed fear in hearts. This fear usually leads to an overwhelming emphasis on security concerns. And before long, all partnerships are assumed to be something to be protected from rather than embraced and celebrated. In other words, safety becomes the priority rather than relationship.

Most of us would rather live lives that are free of fear and this kind of strife. So how can we avoid creating fear-dominated partnerships? Is it even possible?

I believe it is. And the reason is that I believe we have a CHOICE as to how we respond to the things that happen in our lives. Although often very difficult, it is possible to choose to act out of love, rather than out of fear.

Knowing that this is possible, here are some suggestions to get you started:

• Focus on what you want rather than on what can go wrong. If you do this, you are more likely reach what you desire because you will be clearly aware of your goals. (It is not wise to enter into any partnership until you are personally clear on what kinds of people characteristics, skill level, and attitude you are looking for. This is the best way to ensure that you keep your integrity and character, and that you do not compromise your values.) To do this, write it out your plan of action.

• BE the partner you want to have. Make a decision to grow into the person that you want to attract as a partner. If you have the integrity and character you are looking for in others, you will attract them much more readily. What a great way to honor your partnerships!

• View the partnerships rules, agreements and strategies as tools; and not substitutes for relationship. If you approach them as tools, they will not become more important than the people that you are working with. Your ability to relate to others is the most important skill in successful partnerships.

• Accept the responsibility of creating and nurturing a successful partnership rather than placing it on the written agreement. It is YOUR responsibility. The agreement is only as empowered, mature and strong as the people who put it together.

Once you are clear about what you want, and are living it in your own life, then begin to look for your partner. If you think you have found someone who might be a fit, sit down with them over coffee and talk over your wants and desires. If the person seems to be a suitable candidate, confirm it by requesting that they write out their own desires/goals. Once you have confirmed that someone is a partnership fit, determine if a lawyer is necessary to firm the agreement, (this step usually depends on the characteristics in a partner you are looking for. If you want someone who believes that a signed contract is they’re word of honor, a lawyer may not necessary. Use your discretion here.)

The keys to the long lasting and successful partnerships have been:

• Partners who are each personally clear about what they want, and who is to take responsibility for attaining it.

• Partners who practice what they value.

• Partners who remember that relationships are dynamic, that they change over time and are willing to renegotiate if there are changes.

• Partners who communicate with honesty and clarity.

• Partners who, in the event of a dispute, will refer to their partnership agreement and not go from memory. (BEING the partner you want BEFORE entering the partnerships does NOT guarantee that there will not be any disagreements. However, if the relationship is based on trust and authenticity, there is a much greater probability that the partners will be able to work things through quickly and effectively).

So yes, I believe that you can recognize a suitable partner just by becoming aware of what you are looking for. By BEING a person of character and integrity, I believe the community you help to create will be undeniably profound and positively impacting.