Unclarity - The Partnership Epidemic

Have you heard?

There is an epidemic moving through partnerships called "unclarity". Some of you have told me that you have also had experience with this "bug" and so I wanted to take a look at what action we can take together to stop it from being so common.

Because of the stress that unclarity can put on our lives and work, I think that the first question to ask when looking for a solution is what thoughts or beliefs do we allow to convince us that we do not have need of clarity? Why do we even allow parternships to form and exist, without the assurance that the expectations and accomodations of the relationship agreement are clear, if there is serious consequences to bear? Here are some of the arguments against becoming more clear in agreements that I have heard and, unfortunately, some of which I am also guilty of using:

• I don't have the time.
• I don't know how.
• I'm afraid that it won't be clear if I try.
• I don't need clarity. I know what is needed.
• We've known each other for years.
• We are good friends and understand one another.
• We're not that complex of an organization.
• We've done it this way for years.
• Anyone doing this should know what they are doing.
• We're all volunteers.
• We all have training in theatre (or put any industry in this blank) so we shouldn't need anything more.

This is like saying that because we all deal with money every day, we don't need any education about how to use it! Yikes. (What's sad is that our schools are reflecting this belief. What's wrong with this picture?)

Just as it is essential that we find ways to have financial management (something we deal with daily in our lives) taught in our schools, so we need to find ways to develop partnerships that are successful and nurturing for all involved. Otherwise, we will continue to regularly find ourselves with anger, disrespect, broken partnerships, incomplete projects and the like because we have not taken the time to learn how to prevent unclarity in life and our projects.

So, where do we find a solution? Is it through asking questions like "Why did this happen?" Or, "What happened that my partner did not feel supported, nurtured and clarified in our lives and work?" It is my experience that these questions, although when answered can contain useful insights at times, can easily bog a person down in the why and the how. Frankly, it does not matter why things happen or what happened. What is most important is that we realize that what was done did not work and admit that there is a need for some change.

So the only way to build healthy partnerships that are built on clarity is to ask and then answer this question: What steps can I take to build stronger and clearer partnerships in my life and work?

I'm glad you asked! Here is today's CALL TO ACTION.... (I recommend that you do at least the first 2. They will only take 5 minutes):

• Decide TODAY to BE supportive of yourself and those who are your partners. Write a note to yourself on a post it and put in in your work area so that you see it daily.
• Join the our community's blog chat to chat with and learn from others who have experienced the same disappointments in their partnerships by...

1. Signing up for the feed of this blog. At the bottom of the blog, you will see a subscribe link. Subscribe by clicking on that link.
2. Commenting on blog entries or on the comments in blog entries. (At the bottom of each blog is a Comment link. Click on that link to post your question or comment.)
3. Optional: Joining Blogarithm - If you are like me, you have numerous blogs that you watch and participate on. Blogarithm is a very helpful tool that brings your blogs together into one email notification system. It's so handy because it lets you know regularly when a new post has been made. (If you join Blogarithm, don't forget to make this blog one of your Blogarithm blog subscriptions. The address to subscribe to this blog is http://designingexpressions.blogspot.com/ 

• Keep asking questions and learning about how you can do better. If you have private comments or questions, please email me, Wanda, at wanda@reinholdtproductions.ca 
• Share with the RP Team what specifics in your partnerships have needed clarity. Do so by emailing tellmemore@reinholdtproductions.ca . Your answers will be kept confidential.

Together, we can build your legacy strong!

Keep well!

Wanda
www.reinholdtproductions.ca

Weasles and Hard ...

Have you ever had days when the things that happen are inexplainable and are simply outrageous? I had one of those days recently that still is fresh on my mind. It looked like this...

Saturdays is my day to do things around the house and for my family. My husband is usually doing something in our yard or in our home as well and we kind of help one another out with big chores.

Well, the day started with me making plans to do the laundry. I gathered it all up and got it sorted in the laundry room. Everything was going very well until I opened up the washer and noticed something in the bottom. It looked like clothes so I went to pick it up. And then I started to laugh. Here I had forgotten some underwear in the washer 2 weeks ago and lo and behold it had grown super duper hard in there. LOL Oh my goodness! Did it feel awful! I had a moment when I thought it might be halarious to try them on but the idea quickly passed as I thought of the rough hard material against my husband's skin or mine.

Once I had the laundry in (and yes, I did rewash the underwear), I began to do some cleaning - a little dusting, vacuuming, and cleaning the bathrooms. There was nothing unusual about what I was doing. I had done this many times before. But for some reason, I found myself picking up a bottle and dropping it or stubbing my toe or knee or...It just was wild how much time I spent picking up after myself!

I finally had to sit down and just chill for a while. I found myself just needing a break from my own self.

Sometimes we move so fast in our lives that our bodies and minds get tired and don't work as well as they usually do. I think that is why I forgot the clothes in the washer and why my balance was definitely not what it usually is . I always KNOW that it is time for me to take a break and do a little something nice for me when the things I touch and do are not coming easy.
I am excited about this next year because it is going to include encouraging people to take retreats. With this is going to come the beginning of us opening our home here for that very thing. So, if you are in need of a break, let me know and I can set you up with a room :).

I believe that our creativity is fueled by how much we are nurtured and rested. And we can only go so long before we find hard underwear in our washers!

So how do you rest and nurture yourself on a regular basis?

Oh, and by the way, when you are resting, it is a nice gesture, when the husband runs into a cat downstairs with a weasle in its grips, for him to not tell you in any way that there could be a sharp tooled creature in your home prowling around (until it is gone :) Thank heavens for rest support!

Keep resting and creating!

The Marriage Partnership

Marriage...It definitely works best when you approach it as a partnership! Let me explain.

My husband, John, and I have been married now for over 7 years. We are a unique couple in that we both are strong artists and have strong wills and ideas but we approach things very differently. In fact, we come from opposite sides of the river!

John is very much the kind of person that watches carefully and does not say much. He mulls over the idea he has for a long while and tests the waters many times before deciding anything. He is very careful and very sure before he goes ahead. He is a writer and a analyzer.

On the other hand, I am the kind of individual that likes to take action. I tend to do things all the time and to think only for a short while before doing. I like to make things happen and get things accomplished and see things change. I like to lead and to inspire and motivate. I am the director and the actor.

Since we got married, we have been learning how to be together and to work together as partners in life. We both hold the philosophy that a home works best when there is someone who makes the final call on decisions. Because a man is able to separate his feelings from fact easier than a woman, especially when the stakes are high, we believe that it is wiser to keep the man of the house as that final say.

When the man is naturely the leader and takes charge of things and likes to make decisions in his home and in his life, it is quite easy to put this philosophy into practice. However, when the man is more laid back and tends to take his time with decisions and think things through and act slowly (like in our house), for a woman of action, this can get very frustrating like it did on Thursday.

So we had a little talk about it...

In our talk, John brought up the metaphor of an actor and director in rehearsal. He said he feels like an actor and director have a relationship much the same as a marriage. An actor comes to the rehearsal knowing that the last call is the director's. However, he still comes with choices and ideas and puts them into play until the director says something. And a good director wants the actor to have ideas and to bring them to the table. He wants to collaborate and come up with the story together. In the same way, John told me that he wants me to share my ideas and put things into practice. He does not have to approve of everything. And he agreed that it is up to him to say something if he thinks a choice is not working in our home.

I thought it was a great metaphor. I honestly had not thought about marriage like this before. But my question still was how can a woman of such strong desires and ideas and will put her choices into practice without running her family and her husband over?

There seems to be a thin line between making choices and acting upon them and expecting that the choices be accepted all the time. For someone who has not been encouraged in her choices very much, I'm scared to get used to this freedom! LOL

Well, I am certainly grateful for a husband who wants to see me empowered and wants to know my thoughts on things. I am glad for that. And I am going to work on putting my ideas into practice without his opinion. And if I want to have his thoughts on something, I will work on asking him gently before acting. I know that John will tell me when it is not going to work for him and that is something to be thankful for indeed!

How's your marriage partnership?