The Marriage Partnership

Marriage...It definitely works best when you approach it as a partnership! Let me explain.

My husband, John, and I have been married now for over 7 years. We are a unique couple in that we both are strong artists and have strong wills and ideas but we approach things very differently. In fact, we come from opposite sides of the river!

John is very much the kind of person that watches carefully and does not say much. He mulls over the idea he has for a long while and tests the waters many times before deciding anything. He is very careful and very sure before he goes ahead. He is a writer and a analyzer.

On the other hand, I am the kind of individual that likes to take action. I tend to do things all the time and to think only for a short while before doing. I like to make things happen and get things accomplished and see things change. I like to lead and to inspire and motivate. I am the director and the actor.

Since we got married, we have been learning how to be together and to work together as partners in life. We both hold the philosophy that a home works best when there is someone who makes the final call on decisions. Because a man is able to separate his feelings from fact easier than a woman, especially when the stakes are high, we believe that it is wiser to keep the man of the house as that final say.

When the man is naturely the leader and takes charge of things and likes to make decisions in his home and in his life, it is quite easy to put this philosophy into practice. However, when the man is more laid back and tends to take his time with decisions and think things through and act slowly (like in our house), for a woman of action, this can get very frustrating like it did on Thursday.

So we had a little talk about it...

In our talk, John brought up the metaphor of an actor and director in rehearsal. He said he feels like an actor and director have a relationship much the same as a marriage. An actor comes to the rehearsal knowing that the last call is the director's. However, he still comes with choices and ideas and puts them into play until the director says something. And a good director wants the actor to have ideas and to bring them to the table. He wants to collaborate and come up with the story together. In the same way, John told me that he wants me to share my ideas and put things into practice. He does not have to approve of everything. And he agreed that it is up to him to say something if he thinks a choice is not working in our home.

I thought it was a great metaphor. I honestly had not thought about marriage like this before. But my question still was how can a woman of such strong desires and ideas and will put her choices into practice without running her family and her husband over?

There seems to be a thin line between making choices and acting upon them and expecting that the choices be accepted all the time. For someone who has not been encouraged in her choices very much, I'm scared to get used to this freedom! LOL

Well, I am certainly grateful for a husband who wants to see me empowered and wants to know my thoughts on things. I am glad for that. And I am going to work on putting my ideas into practice without his opinion. And if I want to have his thoughts on something, I will work on asking him gently before acting. I know that John will tell me when it is not going to work for him and that is something to be thankful for indeed!

How's your marriage partnership?